Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Welcome to our Friday round-up of funny stuff from Twitter. We’re not even a full week into February, yet the three months of January seem like ancient history. The nights are getting lighter, the weather is a tiny bit warmer, and there’s not a Mrs Brown’s Boys special in sight.
We’re trying to keep that positivity going with some top jokes, memes and puns from the social media site now called X.
Enjoy!
1.
I recently taught Ralph how to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under an hour! 🤪😂 pic.twitter.com/6mcKVw003i
— Flying Pig 🚁 (@flyabout7) February 1, 2026
2.
I don't want to alarm anyone, but according to my toddler, there is a burglar who broke in, not to steal anything, but to pee in his bed. It definitely wasn't him. Be safe out there everyone.
— Sassy Hobbit 🦋 (@sassyhobbit) February 1, 2026
3.
Me, about to boil spaghetti for one. pic.twitter.com/P0MnTOQ4UC
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) February 2, 2026
4.
The man in the latest Guardian 'Blind Date' column looks like he's trying to confuse U-boat commanders re the speed, size and direction of his trousers. pic.twitter.com/KUnsGI8Rub
— dan barker (@danbarker) February 2, 2026
5.
I've spent years working to disprove the so-called "sunk-cost fallacy" and I'm not going to stop now.
— 🇻🇦 Fr Victor Feltes (@StuffForSisters) February 4, 2026
6.
“Did you barf the other night?”
Me: yes there was a pic.twitter.com/iKcrewNMn1
— How Meat it is to be Loved By You💘 (@meatsical) February 2, 2026
7.
the shower is the alternate dimension where I realize I'm low on shampoo but as soon as I step through the curtain I'm transported back to this dimension where all my memories are wiped like in severance and I won’t remember i’m out of shampoo until im back in the shower
— ned! (@nedsore) February 4, 2026
8.
finally my car will be safe when two cartoon characters are having a fight offscreen https://t.co/Ykr7kEFpvt
— iTMG 🦭 (@itmgalt) February 2, 2026
9.
Was in A&E this week and can't stop thinking about the person who kept telling me this was a kebab pic.twitter.com/MpSN06Ah4K
— Jono Read (@jonoread) February 5, 2026
10.
The invite said 'dress to impress' so obviously my first thought was "where does someone get a decent Batman suit?"
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) February 4, 2026
11.
If I was 10% as determined about anything else in my life as I am about bringing all the grocery bags into the house in one trip, I would have three master’s degrees, a Nobel Peace Prize, and a fortune to rival Jeff Bezos.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 1, 2026
12.
Thank you for the free 30 day free trial of 2026 but I’d like to cancel my subscription.
— _ (@SundaeDivine) February 4, 2026