Kash Patel has booked the UFC to train the FBI, and it’s the satirists we feel sorry for – 24 knockout reactions
In case you were still under any illusion that the Director of the FBI, Kash Patel, is doing anything other than cosplaying as a serious investigator, he has announced that the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) will be coming to Quantico to give the FBI a training seminar on the 14th and 15th of March. Beware the Ides of March.
UFC fighters will head to Quantico, Va. this week to train FBI agents and students in what FBI director Kash Patel is calling a “historic seminar.”
“This is a tremendous opportunity for our FBI agents to learn and train with some of the greatest athletes on earth — helping the…
— Variety (@Variety) March 12, 2026
Following so soon after Patel’s expensive jolly to hang out with US hockey champions at the Winter Olympics, it’s doing very little to boost his credibility.
Kash Patel spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of our money so that he could get drunk on our dime at a hockey game.
Meanwhile we still don’t have all the Epstein files.
Are you ok with this? I’m not @FBIDirectorKash
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) February 23, 2026
We’re sure it’s a complete coincidence that UFC’s CEO Dana White has been a staunch supporter of Donald Trump since his first term, and will be staging a UFC programme on the White House lawn in June. Perhaps they’re hoping to recruit a few FBI agents to compete on the night.
The news received a collective eye roll from Twitter.
1.
Kash Patel can't solve any damn cases, but at least we're paying his favorite UFC fighters to teach FBI agents an arm bar, or leg lock they'll forget in a week. 👍 https://t.co/djnmXycXTk
— Cuckturd (@CattardSlim) March 12, 2026
2.
Why not hire the cast of "Law and Order" to train them on interrogations? https://t.co/etpd5tQuby
— Michael Freeman (@michaelpfreeman) March 12, 2026
3.
Hey maybe instead of playing karate with celebrities @Kash_Patel could do his fucking job for once and manage the terrorist threats from Iran? https://t.co/pH3sMNTZnH
— Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) March 12, 2026
4.
Just the stupidest time to be alive. Absolute clown show of a timeline. Dunce caps for everyone. https://t.co/VkWZHyXNMQ
— Chris Evangelista (@cevangelista413) March 12, 2026
5.
If they make someone tap, it’s an admission of guilt. https://t.co/YrBRYFMBGi
— Tony Deppen (@Tony_Deppen) March 12, 2026
6.
Expect ridiculous photos and content of Patel training jiu jitsu and shamelessly boondoggling around UFC fighters while trying to look cool and tough.
While Nancy Guthrie remains missing, a makeshift bomb was thrown near Gracie Mansion, and homeland threats coming out of Iran… https://t.co/pNvTNHrTYT
— Paul Rieckhoff🇺🇸🇺🇦 (@PaulRieckhoff) March 12, 2026
7.
Rest easy, America. The FBI can now protect our country from any enemy jumping off a rope wearing a speedo. https://t.co/3DeZzdGQ8F
— PoliticOhMyGawd (@PoliticOhMyGawd) March 12, 2026
8.
Tell us you’re drowning in fake masculinity without telling us.. https://t.co/oOULpsDZ5n
— Andy Ostroy (@AndyOstroy) March 12, 2026
9.
This is absurd. https://t.co/kYS3el4mIA
— WeThePeople🇺🇸🇺🇸 (@PrincessBravato) March 12, 2026
10.
“You hear that, everyone who stuffed me into a locker in high school? No more atomic wedgies for this guy!” – Kash Patel
— Chris Robinson (@ChrisRobinsonNJ) March 12, 2026
11.
MAGA voters have the maturity of 10 year olds so this would be amazing… in reality, it’s stealing taxpayers money to enrich MAGA donor Dana White
— ShredTiger (@Pats6xChampions) March 12, 2026
12.
Finally! I remember seeing an FBI agent try to use a single leg takedown on a terrorist when he should’ve used an ankle pick. That terrorist got away and, you guessed it, grew up to be Osama Bin Laden. https://t.co/JSJbSkcom9
— Johnny Crust 4 (@JohnnyCrust4) March 12, 2026