Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Welcome to the end of one of those long weeks in politics that people talk about. Possibly more so for Keir Starmer, Wes Streeting, and the journalists who had to find out who Catherine West was, before they realised it didn’t matter after all.
A tiny bit of the topical crept into this week’s round-up, but there’s plenty of other stuff to take your mind off the news.
If you find something you like, show it some love.
1.
Dentist: Have you been flossing?
Me: Yes. I started at 8:30 this morning.— Tater (@TrueTorontoGirl) May 12, 2026
2.
“listen to your body”
my body: touch the cactus
— barrel rolls (@barrel_rolls) May 11, 2026
3.
You look like the kind of person whose phone calls have been recorded and used for quality training purposes
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) May 12, 2026
4.
sometimes i’ll wake up from a deep sleep & think to myself, “wow, the chances for life to occur anywhere in the universe are highly improbable & therefore i’m just lucky to exist,” & then i’ll realize that both my arms are asleep & i’m 8 months behind on my jet ski payments.
— Sunshine Jarboly (@SunshineJarboly) May 12, 2026
5.
[making small talk at the vets] Oh your dog's a boxer? My cat does karate.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) May 12, 2026
6.
If those giant ribs were heavy enough to flip over Fred Flintstone's car, how did the waitress carry them
— Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ (@Bob_Janke) May 12, 2026
7.
Gordon Ramsey once said, “this squid is so undercooked I can still hear it telling spongebob to fuck off”
— ⚡️ (@kng_prime) May 12, 2026
8.
us reading your mean comments https://t.co/PWlzOpGT4V
— Ryanair (@Ryanair) May 13, 2026
9.
Some say one of these is a modern forgery but I disagree, these are clearly the same picture: pic.twitter.com/xUqF5flowD
— Fake History Hunter (@fakehistoryhunt) May 12, 2026
10.
Everyone’s a badass until there’s a bee in your car.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) May 13, 2026
11.
Elon Musk has gained 35 pounds since buying Twitter.
Just to own the lbs.
— Captain Obvious™️ (@TheFungi669) May 12, 2026
12.
“Sliders but bigger” pic.twitter.com/CylrtHag9I
— (@MoMohler) May 13, 2026