Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with one of those pens that can write in four different colors.
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) May 13, 2026
14.
Still amazed that The Bible was so specific in forbidding shops with 280 square metres of floor space to open for over 6 hours on a Sunday.
— SirDexterAlmighty (@RIPDexterAlm) May 10, 2026
15.
Oddly there is not one canary on the Canary Islands.
Similarly, on the Virgin Islands, they don't have any canaries either.
— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) May 12, 2026
16.
Times I’ve served soup with my ladle: 0. Times I’ve been prevented from opening/closing a drawer by my ladle: 16,627.
— Jim Corbridge (@MrBonMot) May 13, 2026
17.
I like washing dishes by hand because it relaxes my mind. Plus you can use the pot lids to play Captain America.
— Robert Bonnett (@RoBonnett79) May 11, 2026
18.
I disagree with everything Trump says or does but falling asleep in meetings is something I can fully get behind.
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyosexwhale) May 13, 2026
19.
Say what you will about this style of building, but if I asked an architect to design the most defensible council house possible for a zombie apocalypse, they could hardly do better. https://t.co/ugUXqrBdAQ
— Josh Ferme (@JoshFerme) May 12, 2026
20.
The secret to going from quirky to unsettling is the amount of detail with which you describe your hobbies.
Quirky: "I collect vintage G I Joe action figures."
Unsettling: "I restore the beards on vintage G I Joe action figures so they feel nice and stubbly."
— SentientBunnySuit (@SuitSentient) May 12, 2026
21.
Take it easy on Tim Apple, he only flew to China with Trump so he could personally thank the children who work around-the-clock to make iPhones.
— NoelCaslerComedy (@caslernoel) May 13, 2026
22.
Her: what are you thinking?
Me: If they gave testosterone to ants would that make them uncles?
— Granite Man (@GraniteDhuine) May 12, 2026
23.
The walk of shame, but it's just me going to the trash can to fish out the packaging I threw away earlier because I've already forgotten some of the cooking instructions.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 12, 2026
24.
I keep alexa because I think it's good for amazon's language model to be trained on someone who always tells it to shut the fuck up
— . (@im_all_id) May 12, 2026
25.
If you missed the king's speech in parliament, simply imagine an elderly man dressed as a Christmas decoration being mildly bewildered as he finds himself reading out an insipid Guardian editorial to a Downton Abbey cosplay party.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) May 13, 2026
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Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
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