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Figurehead on Diamond Jubilee boat causes outrage

Jubilee News: It was meant to symbolise freedom, serenity and justice, but the nude figurehead on the ‘Spirit of Chartwell’, currently being remodelled for the Diamond Jubilee river pageant, has caused outrage because of its resemblance to the Queen.

New figurehead on Queen's Diamond Jubilee boat causes outrage

A younger Queen, perhaps,” says boat expert Dominic Minnsy, “a Queen keen on team sports, with a well-turned thigh; a Queen from an earlier, more cavalier age – but the Queen nonetheless. Just look at those proud breasts. I wouldn’t mind them crashing against my rocks on a stormy night, I can tell you.”

The figurehead was quickly dismantled after a furious reaction from palace officials, but by that time images of ‘the Queen of Tarts’ had already flooded the internet.

The Queen is livid,” said one royal insider.

No one can understand how the design got past the approval stage, let alone be built. Everyone in the family is screaming blue murder – except for Prince Philip. He sent an aide down to the boatyard to get it for the front of his bath.”

 

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Ninj