30 Good Reasons Why Children Cannot Be Trusted

Whitney Houston once sang “I believe the children are our future”, but what she probably meant was “I believe the children are fucking up my house”.

1. They have no respect for your precious technology

2. And every clean surface is a blank canvas of opportunity

3. Don’t expect to be able to shave tomorrow

4. Left alone they will try to camouflage themselves and blend in

5. Your kitchen is a highly dangerous place

6. And shop assistants will become your sworn enemy

8. Which will become a problem – as you are going to be needing A LOT of new clothes

9. They like to practice art at 5.30am on a Monday morning

11. But you can always cheer yourself up with a nice mug of hot chocolate……oh…

12. Never mind let’s see what’s on TV……..right….

13. If you can’t find them – just follow the trail

14. If you need a night out… book a babysitter

15. Art…art….everywhere…

16. They will lose their things

17. Remember it’s their room – and they may have their own ideas about decoration which you should embrace

18. But always double check family photos before uploading to the internet

19. Bathtime crayons are fun

20. And every mealtime is an adventure

21. Don’t expect to have a peaceful siesta. They will want to do more art.

22. But eventually they will need a nap

23. Let’s just hope the grandparents enjoy Peppa Pig as much as they do

24. Never leave jam unattended

25. …or peanut butter

26. Older siblings can be persuaded to share the work load

27. But bath time is gonna be your problem

28. You will be looking forward to putting your feet up……….

29. If you ask them to try read their own bedtime story they will take it out on the goldfish

30. If it all gets too much Duct Tape is your friend