50 Tweets That Will Brighten Your Day #3
Our weekly compilation of twit-wit..
1. Cannot unsee
2.
https://twitter.com/robynr666/status/624851345607012352
3.
https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/392072572520509440
4.
https://twitter.com/ruinedpicnic/status/565535920225783809
5.
When it comes down to it, parenting is basically snuggling and slowly watching everything you've ever owned be destroyed.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) October 19, 2014
6.
Years of gaming have taught me there is something behind this wall. pic.twitter.com/xD4vbxQmmd
— Lea (@LegendaryLeaTV) June 30, 2015
7.
https://twitter.com/tdawks/status/630315837166125056/photo/1
8.
https://twitter.com/danacbell/status/595828907422720001
9.
RIP Jamiroquai, U are wiv da angels now pic.twitter.com/FIMLFs6wqc
— simon buschenfeld (@buschenfeld) August 4, 2015
10.
https://twitter.com/boring_as_heck/status/604761050857095168
11.
https://twitter.com/joespacerogers/status/615981786091376640
12.
Huge if true pic.twitter.com/3ONjePepOb
— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) February 21, 2015
13.
Pollock is my second favourite film about a famous painter's struggle with alcoholism, after Turner and Hooch.
— Jeremy Limb (@jeremylimb) August 8, 2015
14.
*someone starts having a heart attack*
person: is anyone here a doctor??
vegan: im a vegan
— george w kush (@yungshoelace) April 20, 2015
15.
[enter password]
*Correct*
[your password is incorrect]
Me: ahh that's right
*incorrect*
Login Successful
— RollmanInOz (@Rollmaninoz) June 29, 2015
16.
https://twitter.com/Purcell__/status/629989232640176128
17.
https://twitter.com/SimonNRicketts/status/630144076675989505
18.
https://twitter.com/eddiemair/status/630029355012464640/photo/1
19.
https://twitter.com/MrMichaelSpicer/status/630698156980875265/photo/1
20.
https://twitter.com/paulsinha/status/563269331661119488
21.
This is my favorite gif in the world. pic.twitter.com/Dtj7nUW6v7
— Wesley Chu (@wes_chu) August 9, 2015
22.
23.
FUN PRANK: Leave a falcon to someone in your will, you never had a falcon, but everyone will be like "where the fuck is the falcon?"
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) May 8, 2014
24.
Desperately wish I'd made this Vine. Genius.http://t.co/7HzUUEFi86
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) August 11, 2015
25.
26.
All underwear is edible if you're willing to persevere.
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) October 22, 2012
27.
[stranded on a desert island with a beautiful woman]
HER: It looks like it's just the two of us
ME: *holding up sock puppet* Don't forget me— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 18, 2015
28.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a tweet often goes undetected.
— cluedont (@cluedont) October 4, 2012
29.
https://twitter.com/jnalv/status/304345341535338496
30.
Women's deodorant scents: rose, cotton, spring, meadow
Men's: WINTER ICE, SHARKNADO, GLACIER PUNCH, ANTIFREEZE, GUN— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) December 1, 2014
31.
By the time he was my age, Lee Harvey Oswald had already shot a PRESIDENT. i haven't even shot a normal person
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) July 14, 2015
32.
How long do I microwave these turtles before I can teach them karate?
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) October 17, 2012
33.
https://twitter.com/SamuelHLowe/status/620108548140351488
34.
https://twitter.com/KeetPotato/status/631461998111399936
35.
https://twitter.com/Super_Work/status/631569444150640641/photo/1
36.
https://twitter.com/caitlinmoran/status/254688479735336961
37.
GUY: What does it eat?
ME: [falcon perched on shoulder] Updog
*falcon starts break dancing*
ME: Not yet Tyler, wait until he asks what it is— huntigula (@huntigula) August 7, 2015
38.
A man just said I'm useless at describing people. He's got a cheek.
— Bobs (@_bobs__) March 13, 2013
39.
Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.
— Baz (@bazlyons) December 1, 2014
40.
"hey what's that sqiggly thing on the ground?"
"i don't know, it looks kinda like a w or m"— how the worm got its name
— FRO VO (@fro_vo) December 14, 2013
41.
[Writing Silence of the Lambs]
Anyone have an idea for the cannibal's name?
Jim: Hannibal?
Anyone?
Jim: Hannibal
Anyone other than Jim?
— mr i’m too good to call or write my fans (@jimmytorosian) March 23, 2015
42.
Freddie Mercury: "Hey Brian, what rhymes with scaramouche?"
Brian May: um… Fandango?
Freddie: "Perfect!" *snorts another line of coke*— Wilde Thingy (@wildethingy) April 25, 2015
43.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 17, 2013
44.
I'm not a racist but I do think immigrants are responsible for a lot of the rich, vibrant, dazzling variety of our nation's cultural life.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) September 26, 2012
45.
https://twitter.com/scottywrotem/status/356701400589275136/photo/1
46.
https://twitter.com/fiatpanda/status/338747102811262976
47.
https://twitter.com/snorewell/status/332851275991486464
48.
Those who say "I love you" is the most beautiful three word phrase in English are overlooking the aesthetic glory of "shark devours Gove".
— Jason (@NickMotown) July 15, 2012
49.
https://twitter.com/mrnickharvey/status/535169051220520961/photo/1
50.
Mum just said "you treat this place like a hotel". Which she may regret when I give a lower score on Tripadvisor for 'rude staff'.
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) December 29, 2014
[Compiled by @itsjamesherring]
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