25 Twitter gems from the past week for your enjoyment
13.
The closest I'll ever get to one of those bomb defusing scenes in movies is trying to find the picture I'm looking for before the chat moves on
— He Called Me Greenhorn (@WhatsAGreenhorn) June 28, 2021
14.
In 1777 a woman named Jane Griffith stole two live ducks by stuffing them into the pocket of her petticoat and that's why they won't let women have pockets anymore
— Ciara | Ciaraíoch (@Ciaraioch) June 29, 2021
15.
I'm taking my grandfather's stuffed Labrador to Antiques Roadshow but I don't think it'll fetch anything.
— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) June 30, 2021
16.
Unrealistic beauty standards strike again pic.twitter.com/CvGr68RoID
— Miri ‘Kroshka’ Teixeira 🏴 (@AllegedlyMiri) July 1, 2021
17.
I eat a serving of candy each day to avoid a yellow #5 deficiency.
— Thomcat (@trishimal25) June 30, 2021
18.
doctor: I have bad news and ambiguous news
me: what’s the ambiguous news?
doctor: one of us is dying
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) June 29, 2021
19.
crazy how married people view sleeping on the couch as a punishment while i, a single person, view it as my special little vacation
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) June 29, 2021
20.
i can’t think of a worse place to raise a giant dog pic.twitter.com/WglMTOTwPm
— sam mazany (@smazany) June 29, 2021
21.
me: can’t wait to leave it all behind and live off the grid
my phone: your screen time was up 18% this week, for an average of 8 hours 27 minutes a day
— trash jones (@jzux) June 29, 2021
22.
waitress: would you like a booth or a table?
termite: [handing back menu] the table sounds delicious thanks
— Terry F (@daemonic3) June 28, 2021
23.
The deleted scene from WandaVision pic.twitter.com/pmam7h4Mf2
— stu (@emowandaa) June 28, 2021
24.
If you get really mad, stop and count to five. Then punch them as hard as you can. The five second delay will surprise them.
— Frözen Cörn Nëck with Fläb Arms (@Bob_Janke) June 29, 2021
25.
My bf shaved his beard and now his new face must gain my trust
— Audrey Kaufman (@KaufmanAudrey) June 29, 2021
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Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
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