25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
operator: toddler 9-1-1, what's your emergency?
toddler: MY SOCKS!
operator: you can't find them or you don't like how they fit?
toddler: THEY'RE ITCHY!
operator: who made you wear them?
toddler: I DID!
operator: we'll get through this together–do you know how to scream?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 1, 2023
14.
Jesus, on the Cross: “Write this down”
John: “OK”
Jesus, on the Cross: “Bad Friday”
John: “Gotcha”
— Toby (@tobestewart) January 31, 2023
15.
"The Mystery of the Chewed Shoe" was solved rather easily when one of the two primary suspects folded under the strain of interrogation. pic.twitter.com/3o1W7CtOAL
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) February 1, 2023
16.
Can anyone identify this little bird…he’s been sat on our balcony for hours just staring at us through the window. pic.twitter.com/l9xdwpI5il
— TM Payne (Tina will do 😊) (@Tinap66Payne) January 30, 2023
17.
Inigo Montoya: I'm looking for a six-fingered man
AI art generator: And how many teeth?
— Fresh Lettuce (@newLettuce) January 31, 2023
18.
It turns out answering cold callers by saying "sorry I don't speak english" then waiting for their response, is quite the fun game.
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) January 31, 2023
19.
Is it "for fucks sake" or "for fuck sake"?
It's an email to the PM so it has to sound professional.
— carl sutcliffe (@carlsutcliffe3) January 28, 2023
20.
Then one day, just like that, you have a friend who insists on explaining the different types of cholesterol.
— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 30, 2023
21.
I know Paperchase is in dire financial straights but 3 for 2 on Valentine’s cards is tapping into a very niche market pic.twitter.com/6qmujGnoSq
— Vote Labour May 2023 (@hannoir) January 31, 2023
22.
If your cat sits on your computer keyboard half way through an online shop, always check the basket when checking out. pic.twitter.com/sy1GT3CftO
— Paul Kissack (@PaulKissack) February 1, 2023
23.
To walk in another man's shoes is hard. They have to be small enough that you can push them over and steal their shoes, but big enough for a secure fit.
— Colin Mochrie (@colinmochrie) January 30, 2023
24.
alphabet: hi
me: 🙂
alphabet: jk
me: 🙁
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) January 28, 2023
25.
READ MORE
25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Image Michael Spicer
