25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
It’s that time again. Time to find somewhere comfortable – maybe with a handy drink of something or other, and five minutes’ peace. Once all that is in place, we hope you enjoy the funny stuff we’ve found this week.
Remember to give your favourites a retweet or even a follow.
1.
I have never worked out the moral to Humpty Dumpty. Is it… Don't let horses do medical things?
— Amanda Blain ● (@amandablain) April 8, 2023
2.
If I go missing, please understand, I have lied about my weight on my license, dramatically.
— Jenna Kim Jones (@jennakimjones) April 7, 2023
3.
flight attendant: is there a doctor on board
me: i have a doctorate in mathematics
flight attendant: this man is dying
me: minus one
— alien skier (@clichedout) April 8, 2023
4.
Exciting news for all Level 42 fans. pic.twitter.com/ekT44iagyC
— Mrs Steve O'Brien (@MrsSteveMOBrien) April 11, 2023
5.
Somebody on a cooking show said they were gonna rehydrate some raisins for their dish. That’s just grapes. You can’t sneak grapes by me
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 11, 2023
6.
What do we want?
Cheese.
When do we want it?
I already ate it.— Barry BeNiceButNotSicklyNice (@barryjohnharper) April 11, 2023
7.
Day 137 of telling myself I’ll start working out as soon as my [body part] stops hurting
— Midge (@mxmclain) April 10, 2023
8.
Indiana Jones & The Wait What They’re Making Another One
— Adam (@YSylon) April 7, 2023
9.
If you're struggling to open a jar, try running it under hot water for 10 seconds. Now it's wet and you can't open it.
— Alasdair Beckett-King (@MisterABK) April 11, 2023
10.
"Bears are omnivores so if you think about it, eating porridge makes perfect sense."
my date: *heavy sigh* "Ok. Do you have a second favorite book?"— SentientBunnySuit🐰 (@SuitSentient) April 4, 2023
11.
Went to my dyslexic pal's gender reveal party the other day and they just brought out a goose
— Alexandra Haddow (@MissAHaddow) April 11, 2023
12.
I don’t know why people get mad when someone uses their driveway to turn around. You get to feel the rage of someone dropping by unexpectedly followed by the orgasmic relief of them leaving.
— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) April 14, 2023
