20 favourite funny and occasionally relatable tweets about relationships
11.
I'm one empty ice cube tray away from my wife making me a topic on a true crime podcast.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) September 26, 2023
12.
Date: You heard me
Me: No I didn't
Wet nurse: I didn't either
Me: Could you read that back to me?
Stenographer: She said, "Not only is it weird that you have a wet nurse and stenographer, it's even weirder that you'd bring them on our date."— Troutman™ (@robotrowboat) September 25, 2023
13.
unless you’re dead wearing a sheet you got no business ghosting ppl
— minkitypinkity ❤️ (@minkpinkustink) September 25, 2023
14.
My white middle class boyfriend has been watching Top Boy and now every time he goes down on me says "Where is my food fam", I don't think I can stay with him
— Fesshole (@fesshole) September 28, 2023
15.
the sitcoms I watched growing up led me to believe that romantic relationships always involved a lot of arguing and bickering and they pretty much nailed it
— ♂️Dad Moon Rising ♂️ (@raoulvilla) September 28, 2023
16.
There was romance over dinner last night.
Me to my husband: If we weren’t married, I’d marry you based on these potatoes.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) November 27, 2023
17.
If I was dating a woman named Gail, I would think about saying "Gail force winds blowing!" when she farts but I wouldn't say it until we'd been married for at least ten years and then I would say it A LOT.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) September 27, 2023
18.
Was arguing with my wife and she said I'm so pretentious that I would love a worm if it was French, so now we're arguing about why she thinks she's too good for Henri Le Wiggle.
— Steven (with a ph) (@SJKSalisbury) September 27, 2023
19.
Text from girlfriend: U complete me.
Me: E completes me, Sharon.
Her: I need to see other people.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) September 17, 2023
20.
With the amount of boxes I bring in for my wife I'm technically Amazon seasonal help.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) November 30, 2023
BONUS
My Wife said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
— Jim Corbridge (@MrBonMot) December 3, 2023
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This unexpected payoff hilariously captures the beauty (or otherwise) of a long term relationship
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