Ignacio Lopez’ story of a train guard going full Columbo on a ticket cheat is forever in the hall of fame
Maintaining eye contact with the perp, the train guard puts the card down next to the receipt.
“This is the same card used to buy the sandwich, sir.”The guy’s eyes are darting back and forth from the guard to the card.
“No…. what?”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
“The last four digits are printed on the receipt”
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
Whoops!
Sweet Falk! He’s got him! pic.twitter.com/5uDxkHmEKl
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
Now it’s game over.
The guy’s shoulders slump. No response. Completely dumbfounded.
“… and I’m sure if I checked the camera footage we’d see you getting on earlier and buying that sandwich”.— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
Of course, he tried to excuse the previous lies, but nobody was fooled.
“I fell asleep. I was a bit spaced out”
“No problem, sir. Where did you get on”
“Wigan”
“That’ll be £71, please, sir”— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
There’s a lesson to be learnt, but we’re not sure whether it’s ‘don’t try to cheat the train company’ or ‘always pay cash for tickets’.
The guy didn’t sleep again after that. He spent the rest of the journey staring down at that receipt.
I mean, the real crime here is the price of rail travel but, wow. What a trip.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
We’d watch the hell out of this.
We need a tv show about a hard bitten train guard who plays by his own rules
— crowfather (@crowfather1) 11 January 2020
Perhaps Ignacio could play the guard.
By night I’m a comedian, but by day, I’d like to be shooting a Columbo movie with @MarkRuffalo in the main role and @FunnySuzyB as exec producer. Give me a chance, Hollywood, you cowards.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) 11 January 2020
If you’d like to see him being funny out in the wild, you can buy tickets for his current tour via this link.
Señor Self Destruct is going on tour!
2024/2025 tickets are now on sale ️ https://t.co/h8KSoWbZlg pic.twitter.com/2DS0R22xiB— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) September 27, 2024
If he’s not coming to a theatre near you, you can watch his TV appearances via igPLAYER – obviously.
I figured there should be one place to access everything, & I’ve circumvented all copyright law to provide it. catch all my BBC, ITV, Channel 4, Comedy Central, S4C & radio spots at https://t.co/h8KSoWcxaO and clicking on ‘igPLAYER’ at the top.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) January 23, 2025
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This conversation overheard on the Newport to London Megabus is hilariously surreal
Source @comedylopez Image Screengrab, Wikimedia Commons
