25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week

Happy Hump Day to all who celebrate, and welcome to this week’s round-up of the funniest stuff we spotted on Bluesky over the past seven days.

Grab your beverage of choice and take five minutes to enjoy the fruits of these people’s labours.

1.

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey?

guard: [looking away] fine

wife: did something happen?

guard: [tearing up] no

wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

— soul nate (@mnateshyamalan.bsky.social) May 18, 2025 at 10:13 PM

2.

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him dry
(I used a water pistol)

— (@unfitz.bsky.social) May 18, 2025 at 9:53 PM

3.

[first day as a medic]

me: what's your blood group?

patient: b negative

me: you're definitely gonna die

— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant.bsky.social) May 15, 2025 at 7:52 PM

4.

To: PR Staff
Subject: Euphemisms

Avoid words like “trampled” and “mauled” in press releases because of negative connotations. Please substitute “celebrated” and “embraced"

— Greeneville Zoo (@greenevillezoo.bsky.social) May 17, 2025 at 9:54 PM

5.

“OMG Dad, just Google it.”

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— Uncle Duke (@uncleduke1969.bsky.social) May 18, 2025 at 1:46 PM

6.

They're talking about "water based" cooking now. Cooking things in water instead of oils. It's soup. They're making soup.

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— Elle (@elleisanisland.bsky.social) May 19, 2025 at 7:22 PM

7.

On May 16 at approximately 1:30am EST an unauthorized modification was made to the fridge. A rogue family member went into the kitchen and consumed many drinkable yogurts intended for children’s lunchboxes. Moving forward, I will be monitoring the situation closely

— sky (@iamspacegirl.bsky.social) May 16, 2025 at 6:33 AM

8.

[releases helium-filled heart balloon]

Me: You're free now

Balloon: Ima choke a bird

— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@itsabbyyep.bsky.social) May 17, 2025 at 7:12 PM

9.

Serious question, on the dance floor, where do I throw my hands if I care

— [Sic] Burns (@sicburns2.bsky.social) May 19, 2025 at 10:04 AM

10.

King Arthur: I think I’m going to start a podcast

Merlin: omg put the sword back in the stone

— Adam (@adamurb.bsky.social) May 19, 2025 at 7:32 PM

11.

When they look at us, I bet monkeys don't believe in evolution either.

— Wilde Thingy (@wildethingy.bsky.social) May 19, 2025 at 8:47 PM

12.

The bread clip sitting in plain sight on the kitchen counter

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— Robert Manchild (@robertmanchild.com) May 20, 2025 at 4:36 AM