Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
The weather’s dismal, you’re halfway through the month and three quarters of the way through your pay packet, and you accidentally spotted the news. What can you do to lighten the mood, even if just for a short while?
You can feast your eyes on the 25 funny posts we gathered on Twitter – or X, if that’s how you roll.
We hope it does the trick.
1.
Unfortunately the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services
You can rent it for $2.99 though
— parks (@parkersity_9) March 6, 2026
2.
my 5 year-old daughter just threw her Peppa pig doll down a flight of stairs. While staring over her mangled body, she said "Awww..Peppa we have to be careful next time" and I think I am raising Kathy Bates from Misery
— (@Arealmfngl) March 6, 2026
3.
My wife just asked if I'd seen the dog bowl.
I said "To be honest, I didn't even know he played cricket."
— Dave † (@daveguitarjones) March 6, 2026
4.
My mate sent me a picture of the Ibrox trouble yesterday but he didn’t tell me he took it off his TV and I thought Rangers had installed a chandelier in the away end pic.twitter.com/FN1mBcRkzO
— Paddy Raff (@paddyraffcomedy) March 9, 2026
5.
I’m going to create a website called “Older Fans”
where I just tell you
which part of my body hurts today and what tiny task caused it!— Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸 (@MikeBales) March 10, 2026
6.
I'm not saying we're elderly parents, but today when I told my 2-year-old not to drop her food on the floor, she sang "Don't drop your food on the floor, Mrs Worthington…"
— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) March 11, 2026
7.
Walking the Middle aisle in Lidl i'm like jack from the beanstalk story… I really need food but maybe this cat hammock or that five person tent is a better choice
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) March 11, 2026
8.
Spa day? I'd settle for taking a shower without 7 plastic dinosaurs at my feet
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 10, 2026
9.
I’m not as worried about A.I. stealing the jobs as I am about people being able to search on how many times I’ve put my foot on the gas while the car was accidentally in Neutral.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) March 11, 2026
10.
just met someone named Cheddar Larson and she said her sister is a famous actress but she wouldn’t say who
— Chris Oldman (@AlsikkanTV) March 11, 2026
11.
If they put Liz Truss on the ten pound note it would only be worth five by the time you got to the shops.
— Brendan May (@bmay) March 12, 2026
12.
im sorry for blocking so easily. it's nothing personal. it's just that you're stupid and annoying and i don't want to be inflicted with your thoughts again
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) March 12, 2026