Pete Hegseth wants to test American soldiers to make sure they’ve got enough testosterone – 17 especially hairy-assed comebacks

The battle inside of Pete Hegseth between vanity, insecurity, and idiocy seems to be coming to a head.

The Secretary of Defense just released a video outlining his latest plan for American military dominance and it sounds like it came from the back of a comic book.

Hegseth wants all of his “individual warfighters” to “master the profession of arms.” The secret to success in this pursuit: high testosterone.

The former reality TV contestant cooked up the brilliant plan to test his soldiers for testosterone and, if needed, pump them full of more, in order for them to be the best they can be.

Seriously, listen to this braindead plan:

The High-T Department of War. pic.twitter.com/hlAUq3j2cD

— Secretary of War Pete Hegseth (@SecWar) July 15, 2026

GI Jo(k)e continues to run the American military industrial complex like a 7-year-old playing with plastic toys.

The internet stormed the battlefield to flood Pete with very obvious flaws in his ludicrous plan.

1.

transphobic man wearing a face full of bronzer advertises new hormone replacement therapy options for cisgender male troops. everything is gender https://t.co/pck6QRDWmI

— matt bernstein (@mattxiv) July 15, 2026

2.

Gender affirming care, I guess?

— David Pakman (@dpakman) July 15, 2026

3.

>the US military is creating officially designated “alpha” and “beta” categories based on testosterone levels

do i even need to say it? https://t.co/SaLcAGjrnf

— Cameron 🇺🇸 🗽🦅 (@CameronCorduroy) July 15, 2026

4.

The “T” in this case stands for Treason.

— John Bourscheid 🇺🇸 🚀 (@bourscheid) July 15, 2026

5.

saying you’re “high-T” is a Low T thing to say

— Matt (@MateoDeLaMoska) July 15, 2026

6.

The ‘everyone is 12’ thing is overplayed but “We should give soldiers steroids so they get more stronger and gooder at fighting bad guys” is such a uniquely childish fucking stupid idea that it could have only come from this administration https://t.co/9UeGqS4yHP

— ape attack survivor (@pissvortex) July 15, 2026

7.

We got gender-affirming care for the troops before affordable groceries https://t.co/q5HgfRiZrB

— Headquarters (@HQNewsNow) July 15, 2026

8.

You sick, depraved motherfucker. Our men and women are not your rapey science experiment. Your project of creating the most braindead violent assholes on the planet is destroying the military.

YOU LOST A WAR TO A GAS STATION.

— Jim Stewartson, Decelerationist 🇨🇦🇺🇦🇺🇸 (@jimstewartson) July 15, 2026