‘What job has the naffest ‘perks’?’ – 23 so-called incentives that will have you wondering why any of us bother

Ah, the joys of late stage capitalism. We work our fingers to the bone so that the shareholders of multinational conglomerates can have more money to spend on yachts and Ferraris.

And what do we get in return? Well, a lot of workplaces nowadays try to tempt people to work for them by offering ‘perks’, small extras that are supposed to make being their employee that little bit better.

But it turns out that these alleged bonuses are usually nothing of the sort. They’ve been chatting about the ways in which workplaces try to hoodwink us on the AskUK subreddit after PedanticRedhead asked:

‘What’s a place/company you’ve ever worked for that offered no perks, or perks so pathetic it might as well be none?’

And they got the ball rolling with this.

‘I’ll start: I worked at a theatre (West End, so no small thing!) for a few years. One would think that maybe you coult get discounted tickets to other shows. Nope. Okay, to our own show to invite friends/family? Also nope.

‘We got 10% off our own merchandise. Oh goodie.

‘I’d love to hear others!’

What a way to try and keep your workforce happy. And lots of other people had similarly miserable stories, like these…

1.

‘I suppose the worst ‘perks’ are when companies try and pass off legal requirements as additional benefits.

‘We offer a company pension!’ ‘Get a free eye test!’’
–nancy-p

2.

‘Royal Mail once gave a “Christmas bonus” of a single comb each. Given that the workforce is 80% bald men, it caused quite a stir at the time.’
–massdebate159

3.

‘I remember once my at-the-time gf was working at a tech company and they brought in two different food vans and gave the employees free vouchers to use at them, and the food looked amazing.

‘The same day I was working my job at a call centre and, in a rare display of generosity, they sent someone around with a pack of jammy Dodgers. I was given one that had snapped in half. I asked if I could take a full one. I was told no.’
–No_Television315

4.

‘We had a free gym membership… During Covid, so it was closed. When it finally reopened, the company monitored attendance at the gym, and if you went to the gym, you were then required to go into the office.

‘The only way to still work from home during full on Covid (when social distancing etc was still a thing) was to not use the free gym perk.’
–BioelectricBeing

5.

‘Used to work for a well-known kitchen manufacturer, we could get 30% of one kitchen per year. Great! I’ll just put that in my house that I can’t afford to buy because of the shit pay.’
–ArizonaFlats

6.

‘I also worked in theatre! At one, there was no heating in the office. The manager bought some blankets from Primark and cut them in half and everyone got half a blanket in winter. What a perk!

‘But then there was a traffic accident outside where a cyclist was hit by a car, we took the half blankets out because the person was going into shock and shivering waiting for medical support… and afterwards management refused to buy more blankets because we *chose* to give them away.’
–lil_chunk27

7.

‘Haha almost the same story from when I worked in a theatre, our director went to the pound shop and got gloves and scarves that were basically strips of felt that somehow made you sweaty but still cold.

‘When we said we couldn’t use the gloves because we couldn’t type with them on she cut off the ends of the fingers to make them fingerless gloves. What a time.’
–Wild_Region_7853

8.

‘An NHS hospital I worked at introduced a ‘wellbeing week’ with a masseuse and other bits and bobs. Except you had to book in advance and it’s almost impossible to predict when you might get a break as a front line worker. And they finished promptly at 4pm. So, the admin staff all had a lovely wellbeing week.’
–e_lemonsqueezer

9.

‘Currently job hunting and there are some corkers: half a day off on your birthday. Free fruit but only on Wednesdays. Pension enrolment as required by law! An office to work in!!!

My favourite though was “we’re big believers in work/life balance, so we offer a 40-hour week Monday to Friday” hahahaha get bent.’
–tadpole-bear

10.

‘Free parking, 20 days holiday plus bank holidays, staff training, family-like culture. Actual job I worked at.’
–UtopiaFrenzy

11.

‘The biggest red flag perks about company culture are “free dinner in the office” and “free taxis home if you work late”.’
–Emotional-Sleep3484

12.

‘My work had a prize draw to win a £50 voucher for everyone who had perfect attendance for a year. There were over 100 of us.’
–newtonbase