Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week

Poke Reporter. Updated October 9th, 2026

We’re well into autumn, and rapidly approaching the return to Greenwich Mean Time and the darker evenings it brings.

It can be a little on the gloomy side, and we need to grab all the comfort we can – from big bowls of porridge or stew, getting the woollens out of storage, or just sitting down with a nice hot cuppa and the 25 funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week.

We can’t help you with the porridge or remembering where you stashed the scarves, but we can provide you with the tweets.

Enjoy.

Sorry can’t, my brain is in “airplane mode” today

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) October 2, 2026

Humans beings weren't meant to endure this much two factor authentication.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) October 2, 2026

Unmuting myself at the end of a meeting just to say "nothing on my end" pic.twitter.com/ZyEFihoNq2

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 2, 2026

i need somebody to care about me the way gmail cares when i log in from a new device

— rareenergy✨ (@uwish444) October 2, 2026

Same but for Four in a Bed pic.twitter.com/HcoLiNBONd

— Ruth Husko (@dank_ackroyd) October 3, 2026

How much for that doggie in the window, the one with the waggly tail ?

Sir, you reek of tequila and that’s a rattle snake.

— Marcmywords (@Marcmywords2) October 3, 2026

Dangerous yes, but WHAT a holiday you’ve had! pic.twitter.com/R8CDuOF4gv

— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) October 3, 2026

Someone at work saw me writing in cursive and asked how I learned to do that.

Well…

I come from an ancient time known as the late nineteen-hundreds.

— Bazooka Joe ™️ (@bazookajoeOG) October 3, 2026

The best part of being married is getting to say "let me check with my wife" about something you personally have absolutely no intention of doing.

— Jake Kozloski (@jakozloski) October 3, 2026

10.

just watched beauty and the beast with my daughter for the first time and she couldn't quite grasp the plot so when the prince is revealed she just started yelling WHO IS THAT?? WHO IS THAT??? like the beast just died and belle immediately started making out with a random guy

— kat 🌲🕯️ (@capstellium) October 3, 2026

11.

Do they have restaurants in Japan where American people cook in front of you with lawn chairs and a grill?

— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) October 2, 2026

12.

You know you gotta do laundry when you get into the sexy underwear

— Renee Solana (@ReneeSolana) October 3, 2026

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