25 wonderfully funny things from this week
13.
Do you think there’s ever been a French restaurant called Horses For Courses?
— David Mitchell (@RealDMitchell) January 29, 2019
14.
🎶 These are a few of my favorite things 🎶 pic.twitter.com/V7wFM1ahGM
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) January 31, 2019
15.
*Calling from the bakery
Me: "Honey, can I get you something: a muffin, eclair, a cupcake?"
Her: "Surprise me!"
Me: "Last summer I got drunk, and had sex with your mother"
— 🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸 (@WheelTod) January 29, 2019
16.
Being an adult is just complaining that you’re tired all day and having a favourite cup
— Rach (@RachaelvsWorld) January 31, 2019
17.
I didn't fight in the Battle of Agincourt so that a load of Remainers could tell me I didn't fight in the Second World War
— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) January 29, 2019
18.
I didn’t get an Oscar nomination this year but last night I voted to reopen negotiations with the Academy to give me one.
— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) January 30, 2019
19.
After hearing how eating too much red meat & drinking alcohol effects your body I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.
— Paul (@bingowings14) January 29, 2019
20.
That’s
What my heart
Yearns for now pic.twitter.com/UFtRk4Vibp— Swissss (@Swissss) January 30, 2019
21.
I FUCKING THOUGHT I LOST MY CAT BUT HE — IM DEAD 💀😂😂 pic.twitter.com/AnUk8Wl427
— H ◟̽◞̽ (@http_haz) January 26, 2019
22.
https://twitter.com/unionlib/status/1089144029399474176
23.
If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do?
— David Crosby (@thedavidcrosby) January 31, 2019
24.
this spiderman looks divorced https://t.co/UGV3ilPD1A
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 31, 2019
25.
https://twitter.com/Fred_Delicious/status/1090744441076367362
That’s all, folks. Now, go and get that takeaway.