Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
It’s Friday, but it’s (almost certainly) not 5 to 5, nor is this Crackerjack. But it is a round-up of the best tweets we’ve seen this week, and we hope you enjoy it.
Give your favourites a follow and a retweet. Share the love.
1.
My retirement plan is the world ending in ten years
— Chris (@_Papaglitch_) March 20, 2022
2.
You know what else is coming?
Multiple sticking-hand-in-candle burns pic.twitter.com/w07KWgPEad— Kona Slater ☕️ (@KonaSlater) March 18, 2022
3.
i always wondered where spies bought it pic.twitter.com/TrZx1TBbrk
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) March 18, 2022
4.
For a horrible moment I thought he was in his pants pic.twitter.com/z8Fg8MASNz
— Van (@hellothisisivan) March 19, 2022
5.
Man at the garage today saying miss do you know 3 of your tyres are bald?? Listen sir I’ll tell you what I know about this car.. it’s black x
— Charlynne Richards 🤍 (@Charlynne__) March 21, 2022
6.
do you think the ikea assembly buddies ever explored each other’s BJÖDIES? pic.twitter.com/nHSPYT9HLN
— the glennis show (@theglennisshow) March 20, 2022
7.
Selling my degree. Still in good condition.Never been used.
— Netsoe🌹 (@Netsoe_) March 20, 2022
8.
If you wear a falconry glove to the park and frantically look around the sky everyone with a small dog will leave.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 18, 2022
9.
The daily struggle of deciding what type of coat is needed for the weather has begun. I panicked today and left the house in a gilet, woolly hat and sunglasses.
— Rosie Jones (@josierones) March 20, 2022
10.
I wish I was as pleased about anything, as those in daytime cremation adverts appear to be about everything.
— Sir Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) March 21, 2022
11.
Me: “I am gigging in [name of place] tonight”
Twitter: “SOOZ WHILE YOU’RE THERE CHECK OUT [several landmarks]”Jeez, guys, I’m there for an evening, not a holiday. I’ll be checking out the venue, a car park and maybe a Tesco Express, calm down.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) March 22, 2022
12.
Sounds exactly like what a haunted house would say pic.twitter.com/BYkCZj2Hbw
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 22, 2022
