Our 25 favourite tweets of the week
If anyone can explain why a four-day week has already lasted a fortnight, we’d be very grateful. But that doesn’t mean to say there haven’t been high points – such as gathering these gems for your enjoyment.
Give your faves a follow.
1.
My accountant just googled when tax day is in front of me.
I’m going to jail.
— Matt Margolis (@ItsMattsLaw) April 16, 2022
2.
I ordered a large fry at Five Guys. They just pulled up a chair next to the fryer and told me I have one hour.
— Coach Duggs (@CoachDuggs) April 20, 2022
3.
Just checked my bank balance. Absolutely never doing that again.
— sophie 🦩 (@sxhenson) April 18, 2022
4.
Fact: emperor penguins have no real power and the title is purely ceremonial.
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) April 19, 2022
5.
Typical. pic.twitter.com/nvRU8IDCxk
— Tickled Catastrophe (@tickledctstrphe) April 19, 2022
6.
well, it was this or die alone.
-wedding vows, first draft
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) April 15, 2022
7.
i love the idea of a roomba but i don’t know if i could trust setting a robot loose in my house to just suck shit up
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) April 21, 2022
8.
Got a new terrible, monstrous dad joke. Ask someone if they want a brownie. Then hand them this…. pic.twitter.com/lXIL210pq8
— Louie Stowell (@Louiestowell) April 19, 2022
9.
Love this time of year when the popes are in full bloom. pic.twitter.com/cb6j8R2FGk
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) April 18, 2022
10.
Anyone interested in going the FA Cup final in a helicopter, I'm looking for 2 people to join us. Leave Saturday from JL Airport, fly to London, have breakfast watch the match then fly home.
DM if interested, pref someone with a helicopter and tickets, otherwise we can't go
— Prime Liverpool (@footiestatto) April 21, 2022
11.
I really hope my house is haunted because I don't want to pay to fix those noises.
— Ozzy (@ozzyunc) April 20, 2022
12.
My cousin just announced that he and his wife are pregnant with their second child.
I had a big announcement too, but I guess getting a 24-pack of hot dogs for $2 will just have to wait.
— Jason Leger, Caterwaul Confessor (@benedictsred) April 17, 2022
