Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
Fun fact: crudité is actually French for “throw the rest of this away.”
— Rach, Esq. (@thebgcomplex) August 13, 2025
14.
3yo informed me today that he “likes to break things” so I told him he can’t just break anything and that I will find him things for him to break. I feel like Dexter’s dad.
— paige (@BonerWizard) August 9, 2025
15.
rather unfortunate shortening of the title and author on the self service checkout pic.twitter.com/ThCBGTd1Br
— chris (@chriisorourke) August 11, 2025
16.
My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip so he wouldn't lose any. Reader, my "sock trick" is rolling matching pairs together
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2025
17.
I feel like whoever named them Red Delicious apples has never actually eaten a delicious apple.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 11, 2025
18.
Just one more day until my kids go back to school. One 450-hour day.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 12, 2025
19.
I wouldn't mind all this sleepwalking if I actually woke up somewhere good, like a bank vault or the cheese counter at the local deli
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) August 12, 2025
20.
Just told my builders to quote me for painting a ceiling with ‘Durex’ so if anyone wants me I am, in fact, dead.
— Joanna Hardy-Susskind (@Joanna__Hardy) August 14, 2025
21.
Sky Sports earlier on introduced someone as a “fanalyst”. pic.twitter.com/jNveoKayeK
— Tony Turner (@tonytiger67) August 14, 2025
22.
Another crime scene from lawless London yesterday. Shocking. Khan must go. pic.twitter.com/y8kGQfTQuW
— Mark Hammond (@MarkHam80780803) August 14, 2025
23.
Made myself a little treat today because today would have been my birthday if I was born today. pic.twitter.com/K9QM5prBQp
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) August 13, 2025
24.
There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't
— Toby (@tobestewart) August 9, 2025
25.
You're never gonna believe this but you know that vintage child mannequin with painted shoes and no arms that you viewed? Still available by the way pic.twitter.com/rsYG7GeUpF
— Ruth Husko (@dank_ackroyd) August 14, 2025