Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
I'm not proud of the person I become when I think there's a bug on me.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) March 11, 2026
14.
imagine a crab coming out of the sea pressuring you to kiss a girl you just met two days ago in a jamaican accent
— ✦✦ (@fw_lennox1) March 11, 2026
15.
I'm trying the Japanese decluttering method: hold each object you own, and if it doesn't bring joy, throw it away.
So far, I've thrown away vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the mirror, and my scale.
I told my husband not to come in
— My moms caregiver (@mymomcare) March 11, 2026
16.
Just off to apologise to my big coat for prematurely putting it away after the sun came out yesterday.
— Sheena (@sarky_sheena) March 6, 2026
17.
My father said, "As one door closes, another opens."
Beautiful man, terrible cabinet maker.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) March 11, 2026
18.
The best actress award goes to my 5YO for her performance as a hungry and deprived child just before her bedtime
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 10, 2026
19.
best friends are so crazy like wow this person would kill for me but also if i mispronounce a word in front of them they will make fun of me for it forever
— soup (@thrluv) March 12, 2026
20.
Every toilet commercial is like, “This toilet can flush 13 pool balls. It could suck the butthole right out of your butt, you little bitch baby.” And then every public restroom is like, “Please don’t put a paper towel in the toilet, it will destroy our whole family.”
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) March 10, 2026
21.
Just bought a euromillions ticket for tonight and Friday. I'm going to feel like a right idiot if I win £181m tonight and end up having wasted £2.50 on Friday's ticket.
— Fergus Craig (@FergusCraig) March 10, 2026
22.
*starts playing on phone during a show
*misses important scene
*rewinds way too far by mistake
*gets back on phone while waiting for the scene
*misses the scene again
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 10, 2026
23.
Pig: I'm paranoid everyone wants to eat me
Therapist: I will cure you
Pig: Oh no— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) March 11, 2026
24.
I’ve got a 1998 Ford Fiesta with a full tank of petrol.
Looking to swap for a 4 bed detached house.
— 💙💛 T🅰️YL🅾️R 💛💙 (@LeedSTUnited) March 10, 2026
25.
BREAKING: A beer was thrown at President Trump during a press conference this afternoon in Washington. Trump was unharmed. Since the beer was a draft,… he was able to dodge it. pic.twitter.com/oZ8KX4Pq2K
— Roshan Rinaldi (@Roshan_Rinaldi) March 10, 2026
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Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
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