Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
"Oh for fuck's sake what now" – me when asked to do the job I was hired to do
— (@Demo4fhs) May 5, 2026
14.
Ever hear someone say something is too chocolatey? Those words should ONLY be used in like, "I'd like two chocolatey doughnuts, please."
— Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey (@MonkeysMarch) May 4, 2026
15.
I always preferred the English spelling of "diarrhea" which is
"diarrhoea" because it really looks like you've lost control of your vowels.— Boo (@333too3) May 3, 2026
16.
"You'd all be speaking German if it wasn't for me."- German teacher with low self esteem.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) May 3, 2026
17.
“…just anywhere ‘round here will do mate” https://t.co/KMggUl2MNv
— Tony Turner (@tonytiger67) May 3, 2026
18.
Dating in your 60’s is like trying to find the least damaged thing at a resale shop/thrift store!
— Old Salty Marine (@BamaSaltyMarine) May 5, 2026
19.
The bug that your landlord painted over before you moved in: pic.twitter.com/5On2HoCAnX
— Overheard (@realoverheardla) May 6, 2026
20.
I hate when ppl email back too quickly. i just ticked that off my todo list, now i gotta add this to the list again
— remx (@biigrem) May 4, 2026
21.
When you ask Austin Powers why his house smells so nice. pic.twitter.com/JKMTPfLYfy
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) May 5, 2026
22.
Elon Musk has taught me that with effort, a strong entreprenueurial spirit, an emerald mine, a lot of exploitation, self-dealing, white privilege, a bad hair transplant, supplemental testosterone, an expired student visa, a charity that gives money to itself, ecstasy, ketamine,…
— TheRealThelmaJohnson (@TheRealThelmaJ1) May 6, 2026
23.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it. pic.twitter.com/i9Gwnbt0ow
— llama (@llamaOGspitter) May 5, 2026
24.
Raising teens is fun if you want someone to think you’re the dumbest human alive while simultaneously needing your help to do anything
— Dustin Nickerson (@DustinNickerson) May 5, 2026
25.
When one door closes, another door opens — sometimes because of wind-related magic, but it’s usually just a skittish little Victorian ghost-child.
— Damon Hunzeker (@DamonHunzeker) May 6, 2026
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Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Image Pexels, Wikimedia Commons
