Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week

Poke Reporter. Updated October 30th, 2026

It’s well and truly Autumn now that the clocks have gone back. The weather’s miserable, the evenings are dark, and the Celebrity Traitors is almost over.

If that’s all giving you the blues, we’ve got just the thing – 25 of the funniest posts Twitter has offered up this week.

If you see something you like, show it some love.

The earth is flat, but only because you left it in the fridge without the cap on.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 27, 2026

Microsoft wants to replace 60,000 employees with AI when they can’t even get Teams to recognize that I’m still working just because I haven’t moved my fucking mouse in 3 minutes.

— Employee Tears (@EmployeeTears) October 26, 2026

Being an adult has taught me that if I have extra money, I probably forgot to pay something.

— Thrilla the Gorilla (@ThrillaRilla369) October 27, 2026

If you ever hear a Canadian say “Sorry, not sorry”, try turning them off and then back on again, they are experiencing a software glitch

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) October 26, 2026

Don’t let imposter syndrome define you. Embrace actual incompetence.

— Neil Renic (@NC_Renic) October 26, 2026

If franz ferdinand didn’t want to be assassinated he shouldn’t have made a song called “take me out”

— 🎃scare-ahmotional👻 (@sarahmotional) October 25, 2026

“We tried delivering your package.”

Bro. I work from home and have a dog who reports a leaf touching the driveway. No you didn’t.

— kiesha (@kiesha9i) October 25, 2026

if i attend your halloween party dressed as her it means i won’t be staying long pic.twitter.com/fyxjiUU1dV

— marvièn (@mvn_dn) October 27, 2026

It's called Gross Pay becus it's disgusting to see how much money you would've made before taxes

— Joshwelt (@weltszznn) October 28, 2026

10.

Due to inflation I'm downgrading from ADHD to AD720p with ads

— Jafrin⁷ 🌸🌙 (@antares_ojo_o) October 26, 2026

11.

Costume Party

Host: What are you?⁰Me: A harp.⁰Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp.⁰Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) October 29, 2026

12.

Maybe the license fee *is* worth it… pic.twitter.com/yz6ZEobEn9

— Dr David Jeffery (@DrDavidJeffery) October 28, 2026

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