Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week

Poke Reporter. Updated November 6th, 2026

It’s Friday, the weekend is almost here – and the GOP got its arse kicked this week. You could be forgiven for thinking that’s the only story on Twitter – well, until the Russell Brand verdict came in.

However, we can confirm that there were also many funny tweets that were absolutely nothing to do with those stories, and we’ve dug up 25 favourites.

We hope you enjoy them, too.

Ha – mildly amusing
Haha – funny
Hahaha – sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha – stayin' alive

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) October 30, 2026

Thank you Netflix for warning me this 18-part documentary about serial killers also has scenes with smoking

— Joe DeVito (@JoeDeVitoComedy) October 30, 2026

Tail of mouse
Eye of cat
Head of newt
and wing of bat.

Not Halloween, a list of reasons why food safety inspectors have just closed our KFC.

— Stansaid Airport (@StansaidAirport) October 31, 2026

The existence of Sam altman implies the existence of Sam ctrlman.

— cold coffee (@sundaramtwts) October 31, 2026

I’ll be 55 this week, and I’m happy to say that I’m finally financially stable enough to own a £1 coin that stays in the car specifically for using in supermarket trolleys

— Matt Daubney 🏏 (@MatthewDaubney) November 1, 2026

"Jamie's Italian" is a lie.
He was born near Saffron Walden.

— Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) November 1, 2026

Apparently "I got your finger!" isn't an appropriate thing to say during a prostate exam. I know that now. I'm very sorry.

— Hillbilly Highlander (@HillbillyHighl1) November 1, 2026

I've always believed in letting the chips fall where they may. It's the main reason I was sacked from McDonald's.

— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) November 1, 2026

"that wasn't on MY bingo card!" i know. the card contains only numbers, and, of course, the letters that spell "Bingo." i'm not stupid. i've been to bingo.

— mattie lubchansky (@Lubchansky) November 2, 2026

10.

Just when you think vegetables can’t call. Onion rings

— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAURGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (@FreakyTuah) November 3, 2026

11.

Went to Costco and the cashier asked, “Got big plans for your day?” Dude, I’m in my 50s. Coming here was big plans.

— It's Greg, for all intents and purposes (@Latch68) November 2, 2026

12.

"Maybe if you go to bed you will feel better in the morning" is the human equivalent of
"Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"

— Fuckin’ Princess (@8WithaTiara) November 3, 2026

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