Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
the miracle of new life pic.twitter.com/jfCmVa9VzX
— Thinkwert (@Thinkwert) August 4, 2026
14.
sauron deciding how many rings everyone gets and seeing a hobbit for the first time: [mumbling] skip. i dont like this one. skip it.
— turbomander (purple era) (@turbomander) August 6, 2026
15.
When I use penultimate on a work call pic.twitter.com/5Atq6DNwgf
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 2, 2026
16.
What would happen to my body if I gave up eating crisps for a month??
I guess we’ll never know.
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) August 2, 2026
17.
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.
Batman follows them in.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) August 2, 2026
18.
Who in the cottage cheese world decided that the only three permitted flavours were natural, chive and pineapple? It’s so weird. There is never any deviation from this is any supermarket.
Is there an underground cottage cheese cartel controlling production?
— Sarah Deech ☕️ (@londonette) August 2, 2026
19.
Saw a headline saying “Dove seeks new COO” and was disappointed to discover it was a business story rather than a bird losing its voice.
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) August 2, 2026
20.
jesus turns water into wine and everybody go crazy. i turn grass into milk and nobody bats an eye
— cow (@cowincrisis) August 2, 2026
21.
encores are so funny. the guy leaves and is like “goodbye definitely for real” and everyone is like “okay yes we believe you and are so sad it’s really truly certainly over” *clap clap clap*
and then the guy comes back and is like “i never imagined i could be persuaded, but i…
— Romy (@Romy_Holland) August 2, 2026
22.
lengthy German word for that sinking sensation when, at lunch with a friend, you see that your friend has ordered a much better lunch than you did.
— Joyce Carol Oates (@JoyceCarolOates) August 2, 2026
23.
A woman was rude to me on the train today, so I googled the book she was reading and told her who the murderer is.
— Georgina-Libbie (@georginalibbie) August 3, 2026
24.
I don’t want a coffee that
“notes hints of cherry and cocoa.”
I want a coffee that walks into my
brain, flips a table over, and says,
“Get up. We have shit to do!”— Thrilla the Gorilla (@ThrillaRilla369) August 1, 2026
25.
Mythical creatures make a lot more sense when you realise humanity spent hundreds of thousands of years without glasses or any form of eyesight aid.
— (@foreeeeeal) August 1, 2026