Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
13.
People don't get creative enough with fantasy football. It's fantasy. Put Henry VIII in goal.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) September 16, 2026
14.
The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch in a few things, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.
— Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit) September 15, 2026
15.
her baby is gonna set the guinness world record for the fastest any baby has ever said their mother’s name https://t.co/FcS8m61dsM
— peanut buttercup (@perfectcelebrty) September 12, 2026
16.
Shuts down laptop: “Yeah, I’ve had enough internet for today.”
Immediately picks up phone: “Anyway, let’s see what the smaller internet is up to.”
— Nuelxx (@nuel_szy) September 13, 2026
17.
My calculator history leaking would be 1000x more humiliating than my browser history.
— Nate (@thenatewolf) September 12, 2026
18.
I'm finding out way too much for someone who fucks around so little
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) September 12, 2026
19.
I'm not sure I would describe Trump's current mental condition as cognitive "decline." There's not some previous period of his life when he was a Jeopardy champion.
— Victor Laszlo (@Impolitics) September 12, 2026
20.
I mean if you really want to hear Ed Sheeran without any opening acts you can simply get put on hold with your bank
— Janel Comeau 🍁 (@VeryBadLlama) September 16, 2026
21.
I always take eggs randomly so they never know who's next. The fear keeps them fresh. pic.twitter.com/K5Cbm1SrfI
— Ramin Nasibov (@RaminNasibov) September 11, 2026
22.
your boss reminding you the employee survey is completely anonymous pic.twitter.com/wd5m2Dn1uq
— Adam Karpiak (@Adam_Karpiak) September 13, 2026
23.
If you find a toilet in your dreams, don’t use it. It’s a trick.
— Gramps (@GrandpaHarris65) September 12, 2026
24.
Hotels: “Hello, thank you for booking to stay with us for two whole weeks with your family, here are three coat hangers”
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 16, 2026
25.
A dream of mine is to own the world's smallest calendar. One day!
— Daniel Edison, Comedian (@DanEdisonComedy) September 13, 2026
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Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
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