These notes between an office food thief and his colleagues escalated quickly

Donald Trump insists that American grocery prices are going down – 17 responses from the ‘five lies or fewer’ checkout line that beg to differ

Magas said Donald Trump is a real man because he manspreads and of all the A++ comebacks this one really kicked ass

Donald Trump hosted a ‘Great Gatsby’ Halloween party and the Maga level of self-awareness just hit absolute zero – 17 totally on-the-money responses

The bad news is that Chris Barker’s Sgt Pepper album montages end this year. The good news is you could have them all in a book

Karoline Leavitt said she was horrified to learn that there was an Art Deco bathroom in the White House, and the eyerolls were visible from the Moon

Donald Trump was asked why he pardoned a crypto billionaire money launderer and his smugly self-satisfied response wasn’t the slam-dunk he thought it was

Paul Merton’s lightning-fast comeback to the breaking Andrew Mountbatten Windsor story on Have I Got News For You was a god-tier one-liner

Rupert Lowe said it’s outrageous dads-to-be don’t get treated better and it was a magnificent self-own for the ages

A Little Englander took issue with the signage at this London Tube station and was gloriously owned into next year

‘It doesn’t say Christmas on the mince pie box’ season gets earlier every year – 19 satisfyingly festive takedowns of the latest culture warrior

This column about not being able to afford to turn on the Aga achieves peak Telegraph – 17 tiny-violin solos

Former ‘Minister for Common Sense’ Esther McVey had a pop at the Royal British Legion for its ‘non-job’ of Head of Diversity and Inclusion – 16 barbed clapbacks

George Osborne tried to joke about Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves on Halloween – and was owned back to austerity times

Donald Trump held a lavish ‘Great Gatsby’ party for his rich pals – as millions are set to lose food benefits

Andrew set for a six-figure payout and an annual stipend from King Charles and it’s going down as well as you’d expect

A rich family wants to pay £180K for a tutor for their one-year-old baby to become “an English gentleman” – 15 top class responses

The ‘BBC Dad’ shared joyous new pictures of his famous kids and people are reliving one of the internet’s greatest moments