Sport p.14

You need to zoom in on this contract Dean Smith is signing (he’s a football manager but that’s not important) because it’s an absolute treat

Alex Scott had the very best response to Joey Barton’s sexist rants about women in football

Michael Owen’s epically deadpan tale of throwing an apple core into the bin as a kid gripped the entire internet

Footballer Joey Barton’s defence why he can’t possibly be sexist goes straight into the facepalm hall of fame

Dynamo’s magic trick was already amazing but Roy Keane’s magnificently on-brand response took it to the next level

13 funniest things people said about Erling Haaland’s possibly righteous anger at the ref

Jill Scott made a joke about Liverpool’s Daniel Sturridge and these grown men’s fury made it so much funnier

People are trying to work out where Lionel Messi’s bodyguard appears from and it’s melting brains everywhere

This footie fans’ hilarious row over who had more (or most) wins transcended football and will have you shaking your head into next week

The ‘worst 13 seconds of football you’ll ever watch’ might also be the best 13 seconds you spend today

Howzat for an all-time incredible cricket catch?

It takes 49 seconds to watch this Sky Sports man turn into a train but it is absolutely first class

This video of Peep Show’s Mark Corrigan commentating on the football has gone viral again and it’s magnificently done

Martin Brundle’s F1 interview with Machine Gun Kelly is the most hilariously awkward thing you’ll see this week

A Swindon Town fan blamed their team’s epic defeat on vaccinations and it’s a furiously funny read